A few years ago, I was sitting in a large auditorium listening to the wonderful, Jim Collins, who studied what makes great companies tick for twenty-five years.
And he said something that really upset me.
That to have a great life, you need to surround yourself with great people that you like. People who care about you and who will always do the right thing by you. People who like you.
When he reflected on his successful life and career, he could credit lots of different people who had been there for him. Some were famous, some were not. But they had all supported him on his journey to be one of the best business thought leaders in the world - through offering him wonderful advice, resources, connections or support.
It upset me because I'd experienced the opposite. Pretty much my whole life.
Friends that were back-stabbers. Family members that were also back-stabbers. And colleagues who were even more back-stabbery than my ex-friends and family members.
I remember feeling sick in that auditorium because of all the opportunities I had missed out on because of the people I had surrounded myself with in the past. I had this feeling that it wasn't my fault - I just happened to go to schools, university and jobs where not very nice people hung out.
I came home and told my husband the illuminating news that if we wanted to have a great life, we needed to spend time with better quality people.
He seemed as perplexed as I was.
At the time, we decided that was too hard. Both self-employed, it had always felt like it was us against the world. We had seen so little proof of helpful, supportive people. Even though, we were both wired to help others, we rarely saw that come back to us. We hypothesised that Jim Collins must have just had amazing luck. Except, I knew that excuse didn't fly. Collins studied luck and he found that luck does not correlate with success.
In life, some people get a really bad opening hand, while others get a good one. To be successful you have to play the best you can. What really matters is that over time, playing every hand you get to the best of your ability is really key to staying in the game. Luck favours the persistent. You have to be really intentional about what you want - not leaving things to chance like I had.
What Collins had done really well was be super-intentional about the people who he brought into his close circle.
Combine that with the belief that things will turnaround and a willingness to keep feeling good about where you are going no matter what makes a difference.
So I kept believing there were really good people on this planet. I kept looking for the good in others, when they showed me the bad or even worse, nothing at all. I kept helping people like I always did.
I stopped seeing my negative physiotherapist who only told me bad stories about people or would alarmingly, have a go at me when he could. I stopped reaching out to people I knew were ambivalent in their feelings about life and well, me.
And then something magical happened.
Tragedy struck and I hit rock bottom. Ironically, the only person from my past who always held me in high regard, seeing in me the strong woman, that I couldn't see, died. We hadn't seen each other in almost 28 years.
When I reflected on how he had brought such light to me in dark times, I realised that I was going out and meeting people all the time. And having lots of fun.
So I started doing that again.
I joined a business referral group. One of the most amazing things on the planet, where other people work with each other to refer one another. And they don't do it for compensation, they do it because it feels so good to help another person.
Yes, that's right. Let me repeat that. Business people who go out of their way to help other business people.
In my 30 year career, I've been a part of lots of business groups. But none of them supported me in this way. Sometimes it actually felt like people did the opposite. There was always a hidden agenda.
And do you know what it's like to actually feel supported, admired and valued by a group of people? Priceless.
I wake up each morning excited by life at a more enhanced level than before.
And the secret to success is well known by successful people.
On the weekend, I went to a party hosted by the GP in our group at his large medical practice. When he reflected on his success, he remarked, "I couldn't do this alone. I've managed to always hire great staff. Not only smart people who are really good at their job, but people who are loyal and who I know will do the right thing by me."
With a furrowed brow and deep contemplation he said, "what I have learnt is to be successful you have to surround yourself with great people." He almost sounded guilty saying something that sounds so obvious when it's spoken out loud.
It’s not just what you know. It’s not even who you know. It’s about surrounding yourself with the right people—the ones who show up, lift you up, and stand by you through every high and low.
When Jim Collins triggered me all of those years ago, I knew at the time, it was because I'd been dealt a bad hand. But my reaction to it was wonky. I was so focused on defense—keeping the wrong people out—that I forgot to play offense and bring the right people in.
While I had put in strong boundaries for many years, to keep out those who didn't support me, I hadn't worked on putting in gates for those who did.
That's been key to my renewed happiness in my life.
Now, I truly believe that one of the most important life skills is to only allow great people on your bus. It's not about looking for people to exclude (that's pretty easy, once you get the hang of it), it's about looking for people to include (and that can be hard, if you're not clear).
It’s not just about knowledge or connections—it’s about intentionally surrounding yourself with the right people. The ones who challenge you, believe in you, and help you become the best version of yourself.
My question for you is: What can you do to attract and keep really wonderful supportive people in your life?
Because being able to do that - that is the secret to success.
This article has also been published on Linkedin.